feelings of perception

i don’t really sleep that poorly. we have a comfy mattress and plenty of blankets…


we roll around a bit and switch sometimes.


but there’s that one minute before the alarm is about to go off…


when the bed suddenly feels like you’re floating on a king-sized cloud and the last thing you want to hear is “beep! beep! beep! beep!”


why is that?


it happened again… except this time, it’s worse.

my boss came over to my cube and leaned over the stark, brown wall that i’ve recently come to loathe. he uttered the following:


imagine my excitement when i was told that i would be responsible for copying some 200-odd open bug tickets for a website that we launched in july from one vendor’s bug-tracking system to a new vendor’s.

by hand.

but! not before having to deal with our own tech support IN INDIA to get access to the website that WE RUN.



so i get to spend the next two weeks dealing with an excel spreadsheet and some archaic bug-tracking system.


personal fan

we all have relationships with the people that we have the pleasure to work with… after a while, the origin of said relationships can sometimes get fuzzy and fade away from memory. i have one particular relationship at work whose beginning (and subsequent continued existence) is far from faded. allow me to tell you the story here.

in november, 2008, we lost quite a few coworkers to “workforce reduction”… it was a long, sad afternoon. most of us sat around waiting for the unpublished, secret list of 40+ people to make its way around the building.



by the time 5 o’clock rolled around, those left standing were exhausted and more than a little deflated. i took my sorrows to the neighborhood pub while wondering if the coworkers i’d never see inside the building again would be ok.

later, as i was on my way out, i ran into someone who works in the warehouse on a forklift, and also drives one of the company-owned trucks. he’d always had a smile on, but this time he looked concerned. it should be noted, at this point, that he has a rather remarkable way of styling his hair and dressing.


we confirmed that we were both still employed, and right before i left for the night, i reached my right hand out to offer a shake. instead, i got a kiss.


ever since then, whenever he sees me at work, i get a particular type of wave and a smile.

it’s kind of become a joke with me and another coworker… especially when we run into him in the warehouse on one of his lifts.


recently, while he was obviously the b.m.o.c. concentrating on t.c.b., he managed a wave without skipping a beat.


and, that’s the beginning and middle of my awkward work relationship.


we live next to this really great park… people without dogs barely use it, and people with dogs frequently do (even tho they’re not technically allowed). we took them over a couple nights ago… it was kinda late for all of us, so it was extra dark.


once we crossed the bridge, they both took off into the forest. normally, this isn’t a huge deal, but something seemed a little off.


moments later, i could hear rustling and jones making a couple choice noises.


so, we ran toward the trees yelling for them to come back out.


eventually, they both ran back toward us and i could tell jones had been sprayed by a skunk before he even got close. he was shiny and disgusting.


if you’ve never smelled fresh skunk spray, consider yourself on the left hand side of luck.


we spent the next what seemed like forever figuring out the chemistry of hydrogen peroxide, shampoo, and baking soda washing the poor guy off.


terrible customer experience

so, i had one final package to mail off to the judge after my divorce hearing. it’s required to be in his hands within 30 days, so i promptly made copies in triplicate, prepared the packets of said copies, and headed over to the post office on my lunch break.

of course, everyone and their mom had something to mail today. but, i was relieved to see that the world of automation has been extended into the realm of postal options. i interacted with a very polite little touch-screen, and received first-class postage for my 1lb 7oz package (incidentally, it set me back $2.07).



i proceeded to the left where the huge metal box was positioned to receive the package; not unlike a book repository.



i slipped my envelope in its anthropomorphous mouth and slid the drawer up with a satisfactory thump. unfortunately, i was presented with an alarming message!



immediately, my brain tried to recall how many ounces made up a pound and in the second that i realized my package had to be more than 13 ounces, i figured some haz-mat post office guy would discard this very important package and i’d get perjured or held in contempt or have a warrant issued.



luckily, my paranoia got the best of me and i called when i got back to the office and was assured that if the machine issued postage, my package was safe.